Category Archives: writing

When you were ten

09 Sunday Apr 2017

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What did you enjoy doing when you were a child?

Did you like to run and play ball in your big backyard or in the park with other kids? Did you like to colour, to play in the dirt or puddles? Did you try to run away into the nearby forest but return home in time for dinner?

I think that the age range between 8 and 11 years old is one of innocence, adventure and discovery.

This deep thought has been brought to you by page 106 in a book of daily inspirations. I think it is a good reminder for ambitious, jaded adults.

Quote from book invisible force

Good advice: observe babies

…except for the part about pooping in your pants.

When I was ten, I enjoyed playing in big puddles, engineering canals and small towns. I enjoyed playing with Barbie dolls, playing school with my siblings and friends.  I enjoyed drawing pictures. As I matured, I had dreams of creating greeting cards or children’s books.

I didn’t care about fashion or boys. I didn’t know our family was poor. I was oblivious to the inhumanity happening in our country, in our world.

I didn’t even know I was fat until it was pointed out by a friend’s older brother.

The jerk.

 

This particular winter sucks

04 Saturday Mar 2017

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It’s been a long, cold, lonely winter. In my opinion, March came in like a soggy little lamb.Old Man Winter has since elbowed his way in and frosted up my windows again.

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I am tired of wearing my bulky winter coat and big boots. It’s no fun while waiting for city buses that don’t show up on time.

I have aches in my body and my tender heart. I have no motivation to do morning stretches. I have to push myself to get on the buses in to the city. Some days I just want to stay home and putter.

I am tired of supporting flakey technology that doesn’t provide consistent results.

I feel inconvenienced. I used to like puzzles and technical challenges.

I feel like an old grump.

 

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Je suis déçu!

On the other hand, I have been embracing my inner child, nurturing and encouraging that shy artist from my awkward adolescence.  You can read more at the blog where the Tabby Cat rules.

Thanks for dropping by. Excuse me as I grumble, preparing to take the weekend buses in a quest for new stretchy pants and “stylish” Mom jeans. First world problems…

T

Why are you here?

20 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by in community, libraries, philosophy, writing

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That question was recently asked by what could have been a younger, curious version of myself.

A few times each month, I spend three hours of bliss volunteering in a small bookshop.

I get to meet interesting people, stroke and skim through the latest items placed on the shelves. Not a month goes by without me purchasing something of interest to me or someone I love. I like the fact that sales revenues go towards purchasing new books and supporting programs for our local libraries. Being in that book shop is the closest I can get to working in a library – for now  🙂

My recent volunteer shift was graced by the usual lingering regulars and families attending events nearby. It warms my heart when children express delight as they find a book or two that they want their parents to buy.

One particular tot caught my attention while exploring books with her older sister, parents and grandmother. She approached the front desk, her blonde head barely above the counter, her blue eyes peering at me.

“What’s your name?” she asked in a sweet and barely audible voice.

I responded with a smile and asked about hers. Her Mother responded on her behalf due to the child’s limited conversation skills.

Then the child asked, “Why are you here?”

“Why am I here? Well… I like books, I like meeting new people and selling them books.”

Then she skittered away to explore the shelves with her family.

Soon she returned to ask again “Why are you here?”.

After I repeated my previous response I wanted to ask the wee thing if she was being philosophical about the big picture but I decided it would just confuse matters.

It was cute. It was thought-provoking in a naive kind of way.

I think that was a helpful experience for those basic queries we should ask ourselves often, like “Why am I here?”.

If we cannot answer the why, we could at least ask, “What am I doing during my time here?”.

T

Lighting up vs puckering up

31 Sunday Jul 2016

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Come on Boomers, who didn’t get a thrill from striking matches or flicking cigarette lighters, experiencing that primal awe of having fire at your fingertips?

Who didn’t test their lungs out of curiosity and peer pressure with a prized pack of Du Mauriers or Old Port wine-tipped cigars? Who didn’t deeply inhale the aroma of a freshly opened pack of cigarettes?

Who didn’t get dizzy and nauseous their first time?

Why didn’t they stop there?

In my young adult years, smoking was part of dance bar outings and mostly a social crutch. It gave party-goers something to do with their hands while practicing conversation skills and courting rituals. That was so many years ago and before I carried my children.

From my caffeine-induced, Sunday morning Web research, I can see that smoking started as an experience of the spiritual, for Native Americans  to call upon and to give thanks for the six energies. The peace pipe was an important symbol to the indigenous people in the Ottawa Valley as well. Tobacco was used as an offering to the sacred waterfalls named after the pipe bowl.

This is one smoking symbol that I’d like to see spared from modernization.

So with smokers these days, does that mean people are trying to capture that inner reflection or reaching up to the divine? Do they want to meet their maker sooner than intended? How much of their earnings have gone up in smoke?

Sobering statistics and dry facts

Humour / satire

A clever, satirical film called Thank you for Smoking.

How dare you compare smoking to eating cheese! 

Quotes about smoking

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/smoking

Subconscious suckling desires?

I often wonder if smoking (and now vaping) are subconscious, primal desires for the comfort of suckling at our Mothers’ breast as well as reaching for the Divine. At least those who choose vaping are doing it to wean them off the death sticks. You can do it!

Social behaviour

I’d like to thank those public transportation users who walk a few meters away from the shelter to light up and begin your ritual of self-reflection while waiting for the next bus. Please complete your ritual by stomping out your cigarette instead of tossing it into the dry grass beside the bus shelter, and please completely exhale your sacred smoke before boarding the bus.

I will be sure to not sit close to you and experience the stench wafting from your hair, clothes and breath.

Be kissable

Another reason to quit smoking is to increase your attraction and possibilities for pleasurable mouth pressing activities.

Ah yes, pleasurable mouth pressing activities and making for romantic memories…

Thanks for dropping by. May your lip puckering activities be refreshing, memorable and sweet.

T

Millennial matters

10 Sunday Jul 2016

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I am riding that Baby Boomer tail. 

I am also the caboose in one resilient and large Catholic family.

I am a white woman, a parent and a survivor. As a woman over 50 I feel invisible to most eligible men. I do not have a reliable partner, don’t own my home nor can I afford to travel to tropical locations every winter. I will be lucky if I can retire in comfort by the time I turn 60 years old.

Whenever discussing retirement plans with friends or colleagues, I joke that my insurance was to be extra patient with and kind to my children so that they will take care of me in my old age.

My beautiful adult children are Millennials. They are testing out their respective paths, life purpose and independence. Some are taking a little longer than others due to childhood trauma or the ridiculous limitations of the economy.

My Millennials were not handed everything on a platter. We were barely scraping by in the early years while surviving home life with an unstable, controlling individual.

It saddens and frustrates me when the older generations and entertainers poke fun at Millennials.

You’ve Gotta Love Millennials – Micah Tyler
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLpE1Pa8vvI

A few weeks ago, my oldest Millennial and I watched a documentary on TVO (TV Ontario).  It was interesting but discouraging.

My Millennial Life

“Millennials are getting dumped on from all sides – from parents, employers and the economy. “My Millennial Life” takes a look through the eyes of a group of resourceful, charming and talented 20-somethings and the obstacles and opportunities they face in getting launched and making their mark on the world.”

Then there was this article on CBC News:

Still living with mom and dad? You are not alone, and the numbers prove it
Almost a third of 18- to 34-year-olds still live at home, data shows
http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/young-people-living-at-home-1.3599364

I love my Millennial room-mate who cooks healthy meals, cleans the humble apartment once a week, and looks after the cats while I am away – all the while using artistic skills to earn a modest income.

On a related, rippling note I am sad to acknowledge recent violent events south of the border. Some parental concerns and human rights issues catch your interest even more so if your Millennials are also dark-skinned, dealing with social anxieties or are gay.

They would seem to be fncked whichever way they turn. I know they can overcome challenges with courage, intelligence and strength of character.

I believe in them.

T

From the journals of a stubborn Survivor

23 Monday May 2016

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This post is not typical of my light-hearted thoughts and tongue-in-cheek observations. 

This is a serious one about getting results through persistence and respectful dialogue with those who help to initiate change in Canada’s criminal justice system.

Over the past three years, I experienced stress and heightened anxieties while enduring glaring flaws and gaps in our system that seemed to favour offenders’ preferences, privacy and rights over their victims’. Each time and after expressing a “what the fnck?” reaction with family and friends, I embraced patience and politeness.

I converted my frustration and anger into a stubborn strength to express my concerns and offer recommendations to those who maintain the criminal justice system.

I pulled out pen and paper and made notes. I took to my trusty QWERTY keyboard and tapped away.

pen and paper

I wrote about the sequence of events, the government agencies I contacted, the circles I had to retrace then break through in order to ensure my personal safety. Although I allowed myself some emotional expression, I stuck to the facts when communicating with officials.

For the past six months I managed my stress and struggled to carry on with the love of my family, support of friends and a professional listener. I like to think I maintained a professional persona as a productive member of my community, of a civil society.

It hasn’t been easy.

I am thankful for the first responders and individuals in the justice systems who helped us get through tough periods since 2003. Yes, that long ago. If I did not personally thank you during the emotional times shortly after, please accept this delayed expression of gratitude.

I feel vindicated that my concerns and recommendations since 2012 have been heard by the Office of the Federal Ombudsman for Victims of Crime (OFOVC), documented, verified, then communicated to those who can make changes.

I feel a sense of pride that my persistence is paying off to speak up for victims of crime whose anxieties have likely caused them to walk away from the confusing processes, and not wanting to be victimized again.

Victims and Survivors of Crime Week 2016

“Victims and Survivors of Crime Week is an annual outreach initiative of the Justice Canada Policy Centre for Victim Issues.

The goal of Victims and Survivors of Crime Week is to raise awareness about the issues facing victims and survivors of crime and the services and laws in place to help victims, survivors and their families. It is also about acknowledging the dedicated work of service providers who assist victims and survivors of crime and their families.

Victims and Survivors of Crime Week will take place from May 29 to June 4, 2016. The theme for the Week is “The Power of Our Voices.” The Week will include projects and events in communities across the country and a federal symposium in the National Capital Region on Friday, June 3, 2016.

Victims and Survivors of Crime Week evolved out of the annual National Victims of Crime Awareness Week. Survivors of crime are now included in the name of the week to acknowledge the many individuals who, having been victims of crime, overcome their victimization and identify themselves more affirmatively as survivors. ”

Source:  http://www.victimsweek.gc.ca/abt-apd/index.html

I am a survivor.

I am in the middle of being alive

BEing ALiVE

T

 

Segmented sleep and creativity

10 Sunday Apr 2016

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I think there may be benefits to waking in the middle of the night with hot flashes and a damp nightgown. 

A vigilant type can tour the humble abode, check the perimeters and be satisfied that all is secure.  A creative type can take a few minutes to write down in her dream journal, jot journal or make a crude illustration.

According to an article I recently read, there are benefits to segmented sleep and due to our modern habits and lighting, we may be losing out on times for reflection.

“But though we may feel perfectly happy with our modern consolidated sleep, we’ve now lost that midnight hour between sleeps, a time when we can be awake and alone with our thoughts.

“I think we’re missing out on a time of intimacy and privacy, a time of self-reflection,” says Ekirch. “We’ve lost a traditional avenue to our dreams, our subconscious.””

Read the full article here:  http://qz.com/658571/the-many-forgotten-benefits-of-segmented-sleep/

Black cat in front of Mac computer

Snuggles the cat justifies his early morning wakeup calls

This prompted me to pull out my copy of Seven Sacred Pauses: Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day, to revisit and appreciate the Night Watch and Dawn segments without fighting the realities of hormonal changes and asshole cats.

book seven sacred pauses

Book: Seven Sacred Pauses…

I wonder if I can train my body to practise segmented sleep. Will I remember to drink more water before retiring so my body will force me to get up once or twice during the night? In a few years, my bladder will likely perform that task for me anyway!

I also wonder if segmented sleep can help me train my body and mind to embrace Hypnogogia, to capture, remember the dreams and visions, to record them for later inspection and creative expansion.

“In the borderlands between wakefulness and rest is a strange and fascinating state of consciousness characterized by dream-like visions and strange sensory occurrences. Psychologists call this stage “hypnagogia,” but centuries before they created a term for it, artists were using the hypnagogic state to tap into some of their best ideas. “

Full article:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hypnogogia-dreams-creativity_us_56c5d16ce4b0c3c55053de38

I am intrigued by the bridging of sleep and awakening, of the subconscious and consciousness. I also have an appreciation for afternoon naps.

Thanks for dropping by and staying alert while reading this entry.  You can also see what my pen name Flo is offering at her blog. She has so many ideas about more Seguin Sound childhood stories but needs more free time during our waking and working hours to transcribe them.

T

 

Bridges

08 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in Art, Health, philosophy, photography, Travel, writing

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There has been a bridge theme occupying my mind for many months. 

A few weeks ago, we Canadians were surprised to hear of structural damage to a bridge in Northern Ontario that joined the east to the west. People were concerned that our vast, beautiful country seemed split in half if only for a couple of days.

This weekend, one of the artistic young adults and I visited Monet, A Bridge to Modernity an exhibit at the National Gallery.  It was beautiful and inspirational. I was glad to have splurged the extra $6 for the audio tour. I also spent a little more money to bring some of the exhibit back to le petit apartment.

Monet art work and book

A little Monet display in our home

The prints and poster were an appropriate addition to the bare walls in the new dining corner setup.  They dissolve the winter blues, fitting the recommended Feng Shui arrangement and colour pallet to welcome the Lunar New Year, the Year of the Monkey.

The felines are still getting used to some of the recent changes.

Tabby cat inspecting a Feng Shui water fountain

Geneva Tabby Cat inspects the new water fountain

The Monet experience makes me want to try my hand at water colour painting again and in the impressionist style “en plain air“. Maybe when the weather is more agreeable, yes? Perhaps during the summer, along a river bank.  

Ah, river banks.  

I grew up near a river that fed into the refreshing Georgian Bay. There were many different bridges that crossed the Seguin River. One was the Canadian Pacific Rail (CPR) bridge that rose above our neighbourhood, spanning the river to the richer side of town. It also marked the division of our side bordering on the Townies from that of the Harbour Bums.

CP rail bridge over the Seguin River, Parry Sound

CP rail bridge over the Seguin River, Parry Sound 2015

During a journey to the home town last summer, I got to revisit the bridge’s domain and witness much rebuilding activity along the rails.

repair truck on railway bridge

Reparation activities along the CPR trestle

These experiences reinforced the theme of building, capturing the beauty of and repairing bridges in the corporeal world.

We can also explore bridges between the past and the present. It can be exciting and emotionally draining when you have reached back to the murky past, bravely transit the present and reach into the fogginess of the future.

Some bridges are worth the risk and energy to cross.

Some bridges (relationships, experiences, etc.) are not worth the toll on one’s health, psyche and sense of self-worth.

When you encounter those that seem cracked and unsupportive, you can choose a different route or tread lightly and keep a safety net handy.

Thanks for dropping by. May all of your bridges be sturdy, lead you to auspicious experiences and destinations. May they join and not divide.

bridge one dictionary definition

T

 

 

In the middle of BEiNG ALiVE

03 Sunday Jan 2016

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We have not yet entered mid-winter in the northern hemisphere and I’m already me-deep in thought.

It’s a combination of effects from the winter blahs and the desire for self-preservation. 

Winter Forest Rabbit ballpoint pen drawing

Winter Forest Rabbit ballpoint pen drawing TAJ circa 1984

I enjoyed many small gatherings over the Christmas holidays. The colourful lights, good food and companionship helped brighten the drabness. This past week has brought us much snow, packed into a very short time span.

My playful poetic plea may be to blame.

I like to think that writing can support one’s goals and dreams, help calm irrational fears while providing a form of therapy. Sometimes you wish you could write harmful influences and memories out of existence, then compose works that inspire and help reunite you with others.

Those in the know are familiar with our family’s history, the struggles due to one disturbed individual. I am very thankful for past and recent support from family, friends and protective agencies. I am curious about the deafening silence from others. 

This winter break has also provided opportunities to putter around le petit apartment when venturing outdoors is not an option – nor a necessity 🙂 

black cat looking out window comic bubble i'm bored

The cats are bored

The cats are starting to get cabin fever, not being able to visit the balcony. At least they can watch the critters from inside the windows.

These furry roommates have provided me with comfort and welcomed distractions over the years through photography and comic bubble inserts while being unwitting channels for my quirky sense of humour.

Black cat beside Egyptian tree of life print with birds

Snuggles and the Tree of Life print (2012)

I really like my Tree of Life print on Egyptian papyrus. The Tree of Life is a symbol that has come up frequently over the years. It is present in my novel, was the title of an odd, artsy movie in 2011, and has been recorded in different mythologies for thousands of years.

Tree of Life Egyptian print

Tree of Life Egyptian print

I am intrigued by the Egyptian Tree of Life myth and the explanations for the illustration with birds perched on branches, representing different stages of human life.

Spreading my wings and chirping politely, I celebrate new life and the milestones shared with family and friends. I welcome the promise this new year brings. I admire how some Parisians chose to celebrate the new year’s arrival in defiance of fears, and without the unnecessary explosions from fireworks.

To sum up: One can be vigilant while not letting fears sour the enjoyment of life. 

I am in the middle of being alive artistic play on words

I am in the middle of being alive  TAJ

Thanks for dropping by and… Happy New Year!

T

2015 deep blonde thoughts in review

02 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by in community, philosophy, Warm fuzzy, writing

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Hey! Thanks to the visitors, Likers and commenters on this blog in 2015. I am touched – virtually.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,800 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 30 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.